Dear Kobe


I know I’m talking to myself when writing this and many of my readers won’t understand why I’m even writing this, but when inspiration and gut feeling tell me to write, I do it. I went to sleep thinking about Kobe, and woke up thinking about him, his family, his daughter that passed. I feel like there’s something there… some kind of inspiration or message that needs to be told. I honestly don’t know what it is; my thoughts are truly jumbled up right now. I read about Kobe Bryant’s passing yesterday while I was shopping with my sister and my niece, and I stopped where I was and my jaw actually dropped. I was truly shocked and I still am. Recently, I’ve seen Kobe on talk shows and in interviews and for some reason, I had been paying more attention to them than I ever have.

Dear Kobe,

We don’t know each other on a personal level, and if I’m being honest, I didn’t watch you play basketball a lot. My dad grew up right outside of Los Angeles, so once every blue moon, he would turn on a Lakers game on tv. I remember this because that’s when I heard your name for the first time. I was probably about 10 years old when I first heard of you, so it was about 2000. Yes, I know now I was behind on the times. My family was always a football and softball family.

As I got older, I appreciated sports more. I heard your name in just about every conversation about basketball. I respected you and your game. I definitely respected the fact that you were a family man.

Because I have never been a huge basketball fan, I didn’t feel right mourning your death. I didn’t feel like I deserved being shocked or any other feeling I was feeling. I rarely watched you, didn’t pay much attention… I just really knew of you. I knew you were basically the face of basketball for a long time and I definitely respected you when you were able to retire with 20 years of NBA experience under your belt. I still didn’t feel right mourning you, but I broke down for a few minutes yesterday when you passed away. I’m an empath, so I know that had to do with it too. But you deserve to be mourned. You were human. You made mistakes just like all of us. You weren’t immortal like so many of your fans and even I believed. And that’s okay. Resting easy is your only job now. Your legacy, your name, your game will live on, sir.

So many NBA players grew up watching you and learning from you. You play through them now. They will play in your honor and memory now.

If you’re reading this, I respect you and I want you to know that you have posthumously inspired me to live and work with that “Mamba Mentality” you talked about. I should have paid more attention to you and your work ethic, but as I work toward my dream, it will be through that Mamba mentality.


Dear Future Me

Dear future me,

Therapy is going okay. We learned a lot in yesterday’s session, and cried a lot. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Remember when we went to Japan to visit family, and then ended up falling in love with the ocean again? I’m hoping to get the coordinates of where we were standing tattooed either on my heart or my forearm. Wherever it is, look at it. Close your eyes and remember the sound of the waves, the air on your face, the sand on your feet. Remember that feeling.

Week 5 of term 1 of school just started. Exciting right?? It’s been tough since we’ve been out of school for 8 years. Whenever you read this, remember how hard you worked. How you beat your own odds. Keep working hard.

Finn is doing great. He’s really starting to warm up to us and cuddle with us. We’ve had him for 5 months now, and he’s already an accomplished service dog. Whenever you read this, give him a big hug and kiss from past me.

I know you lost a couple of best friends in recent years, but don’t let that stop you from making new friends. You have some close friends already, even on the internet, and they are great! I hope you’re still friends with them, and I hope you met a couple of them since you’re in the future. Whenever you read this, tell them past me says hello!

I want to tell you a quote from one of our favorite television shows, One Tree Hill. “Most people are stronger than they know. They just forget to believe it sometimes.” If you’re going through something terrible right now, close your eyes and think of this quote. Listen to the waves. You are strong. You’ve proved it time and time again. Don’t stop proving it to yourself.


past me



Letters In A Balloon, part one

I saw angels the other day

I looked at them like it was yesterday.

They walked near me, and I felt their love,

and they told me that you are up above.

No more pain, no more tears,

but I wish that you were here.
The moment I knew you were gone

I started to write down for you a song

“Be strong” I told you every day

I wish that I knew what you would say.
I love you my angel, and I’ll see you soon.

I’ll send you a letter in a balloon.

As it travels through the stratosphere, I want you to know

that I always loved you, but I know you had to go.
The pain was too much for you to bear

but I have and always, about you I care.

I know that you’re happy now, my friend,

but don’t let this letter be the end.