World Suicide Prevention Day

I should have died 5 years ago, but it was like an actual hand pulled the gun away from my head and a voice told me to call my mom. And life got better. It didn’t get perfect, and sometimes it doesn’t feel easier. But I promise you, it’s worth it. You’re worth it.

Stay alive for me. Stay alive for your pets, your parents, your siblings, your job, whatever it is. But most of all, Stay Alive for yourself. Give yourself the chance to experience new things. You are loved and you are worth taking up space in this world.

I never thought I’d ever be able to go to college. People (mostly classmates/bullies) always told me I was stupid because I didn’t talk until the 8th grade. They told me I’d never be able to do certain things because I didn’t talk. They told me I was ugly, stupid, mute, castoff… Teachers didn’t want to help because I was too much work, guidance counselors sent me to the school nurse and even therapists, doctors said “well she just needs to talk.” I had a teacher even send me to the principal’s office because I was too terrified to answer her question in front of the class.

I wasn’t supposed to be happy. That’s what everyone wanted. They enjoyed seeing me fail because it made them look better. It made them feel better when I would cry in front of the class. I caused people frustration, people took offense, they called me “their special project” and didn’t mean it in a good way…

I’ll be 29 in less than a month. Do you think I thought I’d ever make it to 29? I didn’t think I’d make it to 20, and I sure as hell didn’t think I’d make it to 25.

I’m a junior in college. I’ll be a senior in April, and I’ll be done with my Bachelor’s degree program in November 2020. I’m proving so many people wrong and I have no plans to stop.

Yeah I’m in therapy every week, I’ve been to a mental institution a couple times, so what? It helps me. Those things helped make me strong and I live now for myself. For my dog. For those drives in my Jeep. For the day I can say I graduated college and made my parents proud.

And that is why I continue to fight.

Don’t give up hope. The battles you’re fighting today will make you stronger in the future.



inFINNity media – facebook

As human beings, we get asked millions of questions in our lifetime. But there’s one I want to focus on that we get asked a lot: Who are you? Who am I?

We always state the obvious things: the facts about ourselves. Our name, age, where we grew up, how many children we have, pets, blah blah blah. I definitely feel like those are important factors in who we are, but they don’t define us.

What about hobbies? Interests? Personality?

Honestly, this is a very complex question. It’s got layers and layers of answers underneath each other because who we are cannot be defined with just one simple answer. Some people believe that even job titles can define who we are, and while that may be somewhat true (but not much), it’s not who you are.

We’re so much more than our job titles. We’re more than our names. We’re more than where we grew up.

Who we are can also be depend on what you’re doing with your life and who you’re with while you’re doing those things. But we still can’t limit ourselves to what people tell us we can and can’t do. Branch out, meet new people, try new things! Bloom!

Humans are always changing. It’s just what we do. We may like something today, go to sleep, wake up, and hate that same thing tomorrow. It’s okay to change, and it’s okay to want to try new things even though your brain is conditioned to something else. Condition your brain to love trying new things, because you may just discover who you are in that process.

This truly is a complex question to answer, but I challenge you to figure out who you are if you don’t know. It might take a while, and that’s okay. I am in the process myself. I am slowly but surely figuring myself out; my personality, my fears, things I love, things I hate… and the more I figure it out, the more I challenge myself to try new things or try things I have tried before again.

I am excited for the new challenges and goals I have set for myself. I have setbacks; everybody does. You will too. But let’s not keep letting ourselves settle. Let’s bloom into what or who we want to be.